because the number one reason for the dislike is the same reason people initially give for liking me. i’m opinionated, driven and passionately outspoken about how i feel and about issues that matters to me. that’s a lot for some people, but many like it - until they don’t. because i’ve said something they don’t agree with, or they think i’m like them and i don’t actually say what i mean and must have ulterior motives.
i’m not an easy person to be around. i can see how my personality would be abrasive to some. but i’m upfront and honest about it. what you see if what you get from me from the very beginning. it makes me sad when people don’t take me at my word, but that’s the society we live in. so many people play games, deceive, remain closed-off. then, when they meet someone like me, they get pissed off. because how dare i not give a fuck yet still be compassionate. how dare i be open and honest, for better or worse. how dare i ignore the social convention of “polite discourse” and instead openly discuss whatever it is i’m feeling about an issue.
how dare i exist as i am. how. dare. i.
“Im going to sleep as soon as I get home”
When I get home:
"but if i can’t go down on you that’s gonna hurt my soul"
i think he might be perfect, this man of mine. he drives me wild with his words alone. the fact that i have his body as well is a fucking bonus.
i finally decided to throw myself out there and do some modeling for artistic/gallery photography. i think i have a promising professional relationship flourishing with the artist. it was so empowering to be in front of that camera. open, and vulnerable, and raw. i am excited to see where this take me.
so even though i had to push away the man my thoughts have been entirely wrapped up in last night, i can’t help but be optimistic about the other aspects of my life.
of course, his lack of emotional attachment to me makes it easier to walk away. if he was here, i would try. he would probably be something really good for me. but he’s not. and i need to always look forward. look ahead. i need to grow. i can’t stay mentally entwined with a man who can’t give me anything besides some pretty words.
thankfully, when life tries to knock me out & throw my emotions for a loop, something always comes along to counteract that, and remind me that i’m damn lucky to simply be alive. to be breathing. i hope i never take my privilege for granted.