my heart dreams of wild, secret spaces.

i should be writing a take-home exam, but instead i am thinking about these words that my lover said to me:

“but if i can’t go down on you that’s gonna hurt my soul”

i think he might be perfect, this man of mine. he drives me wild with his words alone. the fact that i have his body as well is a fucking bonus.
 

i feel really good about today.

i finally decided to throw myself out there and do some modeling for artistic/gallery photography. i think i have a promising professional relationship flourishing with the artist. it was so empowering to be in front of that camera. open, and vulnerable, and raw. i am excited to see where this take me.

so even though i had to push away the man my thoughts have been entirely wrapped up in last night, i can’t help but be optimistic about the other aspects of my life.

of course, his lack of emotional attachment to me makes it easier to walk away. if he was here, i would try. he would probably be something really good for me. but he’s not. and i need to always look forward. look ahead. i need to grow. i can’t stay mentally entwined with a man who can’t give me anything besides some pretty words.

thankfully, when life tries to knock me out & throw my emotions for a loop, something always comes along to counteract that, and remind me that i’m damn lucky to simply be alive. to be breathing. i hope i never take my privilege for granted.

002. Sometimes when I sleep somewhere else that it’s not my bed, and I wake up in the middle of the night, I freak out a lot, especially if the room is really dark and I can’t see anything.

i did this the other night.