Sometimes I get myself all worked up into a lather over things that other people simply brush off as a part of life. This reality is the one thing I still struggle with often. As a human being, I have never been able to to fully get over the fact that other human being don’t think, feel, or act the way that I do. I’m generally only vexed by this phenomenon when it comes to hurtful behaviour. I’ve managed throughout my life to fall in love with people (friends and lovers alike) who don’t see the harm in being close with someone who has done terribly hurtful things to me. I understand that it may be selfish of me to want someone I love to stay away from someone else who does nothing but cause me pain. Where I run up against a wall is when I start asking the question: “How can someone I love do something so hurtful to me, when I could never do the same to them?” I understand this thought process is not logical; however, it still doesn’t save me from a hurting heart when the person who is nearest and dearest to me is putting the friendship of a spiteful individual before their relationship with me, the woman they claim to cherish deeply and without reservations.
when in reality, i’m still pretty much sitting at being an ‘A’ student, i’m the smallest i’ve ever been (even if my tummy is STILL a bit soft), and really.. my life is fucking fabulous. so why am i beating myself up so much? why do i feel like i am not living up to someone’s expectations? (even though i don’t know whose.)